Intentions as a Bridge
Hosting the first quarterly Intentional Well event yesterday reminded me of the rewards of living intentionally—and the gift of intentional community.
Setting intentions offer us a beautiful antidote to life’s mental load. In Over Our Heads, Robert Kegan describes how society piles conflicting roles onto each of us. We are expected to be a good partner, loving parent, productive worker, wise leader, caring child, responsible citizen. While staying emotionally intelligent, independent, reliable, attractive, ethical, calm and of course fulfilled.
Easy, right?
(wink)
This barrage create what Kegan calls “a bewildering array of expectations, prescriptions, claims, and demands.” Each role carries its “shoulds,” forcing our brains into constant triage, discerning how we will be good/bad in order to succeed/fail. It's a fraught mental juggling act that leaves us with too many balls in the air.
The Hidden Cost of Clashing Roles
We make sense of life through familiar (often unconscious) filters—what's worked before, what feels safe, what others expect. But when "be present for my kids" collides with "crush it at work," those filters start to crack.
Our culture sells “busyness” and more productivity hacks, encouraging us to try harder in order to meet the demands. Yet Kegan says that true growth doesn’t come from time-tycoon mastery; rather, it comes from growing a more flexible way to embrace all those roles without one overtaking the others.
Often, these clashing demands hook us into stories we tell ourselves, like "I'm failing as a parent," or "I'll never get this right." And these stories pile on top of the already vulnerable feelings hiring underneath, such as the grief we experience when we lose our cool, or the fear we face of not being enough.
How intentions ease the load
Intentions help us prioritize one (or a few) chosen aims amid life’s competing pulls. This cuts some of the noise, helps us align our actions across roles, helps us take back agency, and ultimately frees up energy.
Take one of my 2026 intentions: to view "updates as a portal." I knew we would be facing obligatory reconstruction at our house (thanks to a massive leak), but didn’t want to feel distraught by the dust and disruption. Keeping this intention top-of-mind helps me to recast the rebuild as a chance to realize our vision.
It disarms the conflict between ‘responsible homeowner,’ ‘prepared leader,’ and ‘grounded parent,’ putting them all on the same team. Each wants a warm, welcoming home that can host 4th of July porch parties, kids basement sleepovers, and women’s circles.
What could have been construction-induced chaos starts to look like the path to connection. Less inner conflict, more bandwidth for what matters.
What's one intention that could bridge your balls in the air?
With warmth,
Christina
